By Alyce Maddocks
Love is blind. Or is it? Apparently it is anything but in the southern states that occupy our advanced, open-minded country and I have the personal experience to prove it.
I remember it like it was just yesterday: It was an oven baked, cloudy day in Atlanta when I and my then boyfriend, a sweet and attentive Caucasian guy, decided to visit the underground mall. We were incredibly excited to learn about Atlanta’s history and see all the tourist spots. Unfortunately, when we ventured into the mall, all we saw was the majority of shoppers staring at us. I noticed that we were receiving an unusual amount of attention when we stopped for ice cream in the food area.
The population of people at the mall was African Americans of various ages who were openly ogling my boyfriend and me. I checked the nearest mirror to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary on my face and then realized why we were the friendly neighborhood freak show: I was the only African American girl accompanied by the only Caucasian person in the mall and to put the icing on the cupcake, we were holding hands and obviously having a good time together. I had no idea how to react!
Why should it be such a problem for me to be happy with someone outside of my race? Isn’t the point of dating to be with someone you enjoy spending time with no matter the color of his or her skin? Even when my boyfriend and I went grocery shopping on a daily basis in South Carolina, people would treat us differently. If they saw us together, sometimes African American men would stand in the middle of the aisle at the store and shoot us dirty looks while blocking our path. I could never understand what would make a person act so rudely to a stranger who did nothing to offend or betray them. Should I be viewed as a traitor of my race because I believe love has no color restrictions?
A close friend of mine also had an interesting experience while she and her Caucasian boyfriend were deep in the heart of North Carolina. When she and said boyfriend were out at a gas station to grab some snacks, she noticed upon their arrival that all the older, male, Caucasian patrons were staring at them with open disgust and in some cases, pure hatred. Made uncomfortable by the unhidden negative display, mumbling, and the suddenly thick, hushed air, the couple left in search of a friendlier environment, feeling no desire to let the situation escalate.
Although the South is clearly not ready for this advancement in acceptance and tolerance, it’s a completely different story in the North, and hasn’t it always been? Interracial couples are more accepted and prominent in places like New York and Chicago where no one bats an eye at a couple comprised of different colors. It seems that people are a lot more open minded and liberal in northern states. What the southern states lack in diversity, these northern states more than make up for with the melting pot of colors and personalities.
Does it still matter if people date outside their race? Is that still viewed as wrong or unnatural in these modern times?
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While I agree with a few points discussed, I would like to dig a little deeper on the misconceived ways of the South. What many don't realize is that the idea of interracial dating is not only a problem in the South, but just as much of a problem in the North. Most Northerners are embedded with the idea that southern racial problems far exceed the racial issues elsewhere, due to the South's response in historical times. I've lived in the North and was consistently amazed at the ignorance northerners had about the South. I was once asked by a mid to late thirties female, “Does the KKK live on every corner?” “Are you kidding!?!” I thought. I mention this point to kindly disagree with your (possibly) shielded misconception as to whether the South is “ready for this [interracial dating] advancement in acceptance and tolerance.” Sure, the south may not be like the beautiful melting pot that New York and Chicago are so gloriously known for, but we’re not living in a modernized civil rights era either. I’ve experienced my brother, who is married to a Caucasian female, get just as much negative attention in the North, if not more, than in the South. Yes this is only one instance! However, I was raised in the South and moved to the North(Chicago “melting pot of the country”) and can’t count how many times I’ve seen the stares of disgust from northerners as they looked upon a young interracial couple in love at the mall. Here’s another point that my best friend, recently married into an interracial marriage, mentioned. She believes that the looks and stares are many times a reflection of the couples insecurity shown outwardly. What do you think? On this point – I digress.
ReplyDeleteTo address you final questions – I believe this issue has been addressed for years and will continue to be addressed for years to come. In my opinion, love is LOVE! The various races tend to be more offended by interracial dating because they feel their culture(race) is being compromised. Do I think it is important to maintain your race? Yes! Most definitely! However, penalizing the few who found love outside their race isn’t right. Dating outside of the race is viewed more natural than we often assume. Our President of the United States is a product of an interracial relationship! I’d say we’ve come a long way!
Great topic of discussion. I thoroughly enjoyed your article and it’s become popular subject amongst my friends. Keep up the excellent work Gloss!!!
uhhhh honestly. I'm black, date white guys and live in Brooklyn. People look, they just don't snort and screech like some in the south do. Plus, I noticed young couples engaging in PDA get looked at. I'm sure its not all in your head, but one incident can make you hyper sensitive.
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